Sitting in the hospital for the past few weeks has made for plenty of time to think. While I am grateful for everyone who has crossed our path, and I am grateful that our son is doing so well, there are also times that have proven increasingly frustrating.
Today when I arrived to the NICU, I was not allowed in because a new baby had just come that they were trying to stablize. Of course I understand; they took the same great care with LJ when he came in one week ago. But...I also had the selfish reaction of wanting to see my baby. Of wanting to feed him myself instead through a tube. Of wanting to decide when I hold him instead of being told when and for how long. Of changing a diaper without worrying about the cords and tubes. Of changing a diaper when he needs it, instead of at 2, 5, 8, and 11.
Then I have fear. Believe it or not, while I am dreaming about the day they tell us LJ can come home, it also terrifies me. While he is in the hospital, I know he is safe. If he stops breathing again, they know the second it happens. They told us yesterday that by this weekend he may be moving to a new unit. It will still be in the NICU but a "step-down" unit where he will spend the rest of his time. I was excited because it is progress, but it also makes me nervous.
I have learned some other important lessons in my time at Northside so far:
-Mesh underwear make granny panties seem like heaven.
-Showers are taken for granted until you have a limited number.
-Hospital food isn't always horrible. It depends on the meal. When the meal includes broccoli, I cry-really.
-No one talks about what happens after the baby comes out. I am here to say that giving birth was nothing compared to the pain of the doctor raking and kneading on my stomach for 30 minutes afterwards.
Lessons we have learned from LJ:
-Poo is something to celebrate!
-When you dont want something touching your face, take it off. Even if that includes your nasal tubes, temperature wires, and feeding tubes. Slap those who try to replace them.
-Sugar water is the best alternative to ice cream.
-It is totally ok to wake up only to eat and go potty...sleep the rest of the day.
LJ continues to amaze us! He completely went off oxygen Monday night. His face was tube free! They decided to let him try it because he kept pulling out his own tubes and he seemed okay. The tube was put back in on Tuesday. His respiratory rate was fine, but he was working really hard to breathe, and he needs his energy to grow. He was under the bili lights for jaundice for 3 days. Those went away on Wednesday.
He hadn't been digesting milk well, so they skipped one feeding. He hasn't had a problem since. They increase his milk every 24 hours if he has digested all of his meals in that time. He has gone from 3 ml every 3 hours to 12 ml every 3 hours. To give perspective, a teaspoon is 5 ml, an ounce is 30 ml. We're getting there.
Every day LJ seems a little more coherent. He is opening his eyes and trying to focus. When he hears our voices, expecially Matt's, he looks towards them. LJ has a good set of lungs. The nurses keep telling us he makes sure to let them know when he is not happy. He's making a name for himself already!
We continue to feel very blessed, even in our moments of weakness and exhaustion. This is God's plan, and LJ is a gift.
The Sullivan's
Florida July 2015
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Hello World!
So we changed course again on Thursday, September 22. I woke up in the hospital at about 2 a.m. with contractions. I laid there awhile to see if they would stop, but no such luck. I called Matt, and he was at the hospital by 4:30. I don't think either of us really thought that baby boy would make an appearance quite yet! We were coming to terms with me being on bedrest in the hospital for the next 5 weeks! They gave me a series of 3 shots again to see if it would stop labor, but LJ was determined to join us. I was lucky enough to have an epidural by about 8 am., and Matt, Mom and Dad, and I just hung out for the long haul. There was an arguement between LJ's doctors and my doctors at some point about where I should deliver, and it all had to do with the temperature in the room. It was a little odd to have the doctors arguing, but I guess they were just arguing for what they thought was best. LJ's doctors ended up winning out (which I am happy about), and right before I delivered, they moved me into the OR because it was warmer than the labor and delivery room. LJ joined us at 7:19 pm after a really long day! He is 3 lbs 8 ounces and 16.5 inches long. He came out crying, which was such an awesome sound because of the situation...they attributed his good lungs to the steroid shots I was able to get the week before. The neonatologist immediately took him away and checked him, but he was doing well enough that they let me hold him for a few minutes before they took him to the NICU.
They sent Matt with LJ, and me back to the recovery room where they fed me and made me rest until I was allowed to go upstairs. Things moved very slow at this point because I didn't know how he was doing, and I wasn't allowed to go anywhere. We hung out until we finally got the go ahead to go see LJ. Mom and Dad came with us to the NICU. We stayed with him awhile that night, but I was already going on almost 24 hours without sleep. Since I delivered, we have spent all of our days sitting in the NICU with LJ.
He is doing really well. Every day we have seen progress, which makes sitting by his side all day so worth it. He is relaxed, and we have been getting to hold him some. He gets fed every 3 hours. At the same time, we get to change his diaper. They try to leave him alone in between feedings right now because everything he does is a lot of work. Right now, he is eating through a feeding tube, but hopefully within 3 or 4 weeks, I should be able to start trying to breast feed. The first few days he was given donor breastmilk, and by tomorrow he should be getting mine. They still take it and add a bunch more fat and calories to it before they give it to him. Today I had my first "skin to skin" session with him, where they stuff him down my shirt and he sleeps in it like a baby kanagroo in a pouch. We both fell asleep. Matt got peed on for the first time, so things are progressing normally :) Today he also got the big huge breathing tube out, and it was replaced with a much smaller one until he can go without one, hopefully within the next few days. He is not being given extra oxygen, it is just being forced in right now. We can see his face now, so it was a huge milestone for him today! We also got to finally take his hat off (the old one was holding the breathing tube on), and we realized that his hair is much more blonde that we thought it was...and it just might be curly. He is a spitting image of his Daddy right now. All he has of mine is the long and lean body...hahaha!
The nurses are incredible. They get you involved as much as they can, and each nurse only takes care of 2 babies, so they are very focused. Our first morning going to see him (Friday), we walked in and I saw a girl I used to play volleyball with in high school. She was his nurse for the day! It was kind of a good feeling having someone you are familiar with taking care of your baby for the day! I couldn't speak more highly of the nurses and doctors...they realize it is a stressful time and do everything they can to give you as much contact to your baby as possible. LJ is already the superstar of the NICU. He is actually a lot bigger than many of the babies in there (the one next to him was 1 lb 5 oz), and he puts up a fight when they do something he doesn't like. You don't hear a whole lot of crying babies in that room, but LJ makes up for all of them!
We got home last night, and I think the adrenaline has worn off a little because I woke up this morning feeling like I got hit by a truck. I have been up and around since first thing the morning after delivery and haven't stopped. It has caught up! Even though the little guy isn't with us, I still have to get up every 3 hours to pump because getting LJ my milk is more important than ever. Tonight is an early night to rest for me because if I get sick, I can't go see LJ, and I can't imagine that. Leaving him every day is already getting harder and harder. I plan on heading to the hospital as soon as rush hour ends each morning, spending the day with him, and Matt will meet me at the hospital when he gets off work. We will hang out a bit, head home, and do it all over again. We just pray he progresses quickly (like he is so far), and he can get home sooner than expected :)
Right now they still say to expect him at the hospital until his due date. However, some of the nurses have hinted that it could be more like 7ish weeks...we are just making a goal of having him home by Thanksgiving! I will upload pictures soon!
They sent Matt with LJ, and me back to the recovery room where they fed me and made me rest until I was allowed to go upstairs. Things moved very slow at this point because I didn't know how he was doing, and I wasn't allowed to go anywhere. We hung out until we finally got the go ahead to go see LJ. Mom and Dad came with us to the NICU. We stayed with him awhile that night, but I was already going on almost 24 hours without sleep. Since I delivered, we have spent all of our days sitting in the NICU with LJ.
He is doing really well. Every day we have seen progress, which makes sitting by his side all day so worth it. He is relaxed, and we have been getting to hold him some. He gets fed every 3 hours. At the same time, we get to change his diaper. They try to leave him alone in between feedings right now because everything he does is a lot of work. Right now, he is eating through a feeding tube, but hopefully within 3 or 4 weeks, I should be able to start trying to breast feed. The first few days he was given donor breastmilk, and by tomorrow he should be getting mine. They still take it and add a bunch more fat and calories to it before they give it to him. Today I had my first "skin to skin" session with him, where they stuff him down my shirt and he sleeps in it like a baby kanagroo in a pouch. We both fell asleep. Matt got peed on for the first time, so things are progressing normally :) Today he also got the big huge breathing tube out, and it was replaced with a much smaller one until he can go without one, hopefully within the next few days. He is not being given extra oxygen, it is just being forced in right now. We can see his face now, so it was a huge milestone for him today! We also got to finally take his hat off (the old one was holding the breathing tube on), and we realized that his hair is much more blonde that we thought it was...and it just might be curly. He is a spitting image of his Daddy right now. All he has of mine is the long and lean body...hahaha!
The nurses are incredible. They get you involved as much as they can, and each nurse only takes care of 2 babies, so they are very focused. Our first morning going to see him (Friday), we walked in and I saw a girl I used to play volleyball with in high school. She was his nurse for the day! It was kind of a good feeling having someone you are familiar with taking care of your baby for the day! I couldn't speak more highly of the nurses and doctors...they realize it is a stressful time and do everything they can to give you as much contact to your baby as possible. LJ is already the superstar of the NICU. He is actually a lot bigger than many of the babies in there (the one next to him was 1 lb 5 oz), and he puts up a fight when they do something he doesn't like. You don't hear a whole lot of crying babies in that room, but LJ makes up for all of them!
We got home last night, and I think the adrenaline has worn off a little because I woke up this morning feeling like I got hit by a truck. I have been up and around since first thing the morning after delivery and haven't stopped. It has caught up! Even though the little guy isn't with us, I still have to get up every 3 hours to pump because getting LJ my milk is more important than ever. Tonight is an early night to rest for me because if I get sick, I can't go see LJ, and I can't imagine that. Leaving him every day is already getting harder and harder. I plan on heading to the hospital as soon as rush hour ends each morning, spending the day with him, and Matt will meet me at the hospital when he gets off work. We will hang out a bit, head home, and do it all over again. We just pray he progresses quickly (like he is so far), and he can get home sooner than expected :)
Right now they still say to expect him at the hospital until his due date. However, some of the nurses have hinted that it could be more like 7ish weeks...we are just making a goal of having him home by Thanksgiving! I will upload pictures soon!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
A Busy Life...
Tomorrow I will have been here a week already. For the most part it seems to have gone fast, but for the first few days I think the drugs had me a little out of it, so those days just passed in a haze!
Yesterday was my first day alone during the day. I was a big girl and made it all by myself until the evening. I don't know how the day seemed busy, but it did. They wake me up at 7 for medication, then breakfast comes, then I am hooked up to the monitors for an hour, then its time to shower. I guess my pace is pretty slow because by the time I get done showering, it is lunchtime already and the day is half over! I had some visitors as well...some more fascinating than others! The doctors and nurses and dieticians came as always. I did also get a visit from the chaplain inviting me to a mothers support group on Tuesdays...we will see about that.
The most interesting/strange visit was from the music therapy lady...yes, you heard me right. She was a very sweet, very chipper lady who reminds me of a preschool music teacher (I think she said she actually was). She comes twice a week for music relaxation therapy...she plays music that the baby (not me) likes for 20 minutes 2 times a week. She is writing Lee a song...it will be 10-12 seconds long? I was trying to figure out a way to tell this sweet lady I wasn't much of a music therapy kind of girl when she told me that people respond to her in different ways. One of which is by falling asleep (which she finds a compliment)...it's my new plan. Let her come back and as soon as she gets here I will "fall asleep" and we will all leave happy! Hmm....
I have ultrasounds every Tuesday and Friday, so this morning was like a big outing to the ultrasound room down the hall. I got up early and put on my nicest nightgown because I have no pants (maybe I should work on that). I even put my contacts in. The perinatalogist was a little disappointed because my amniotic fluid levels were much lower than in my last ultrasound last Friday, but he said it could be worse. Either way, it doesn't change the plan. He said even with no fluid, they will not induce labor yet unless LJ is showing signs of distress. He isn't right now; he is doing great. He had his foot in his mouth this morning.
Matt and I made a chain to tear a link off every day I am here to count down to our hopeful delivery day. I have 31 links left today. We will see if our math was right when the day comes! Matt also tracked down a wheelchair on Sunday, and they let us go sit outside for 30 minutes...I am missing the start of fall! We will do that more often! The food isn't too horrible most of the time...they give me a choice of meals each day...could be worse! They even let me have a Diet Coke each day! I haven't had a Diet Coke since I found out I was pregnant! The first time I saw it, I was beside myself! The nurses are all very nice, many about my age. And the cleaning ladies, lunch ladies, techs and other random women walking in and out of the room are great too. That's about all I have for today!
Yesterday was my first day alone during the day. I was a big girl and made it all by myself until the evening. I don't know how the day seemed busy, but it did. They wake me up at 7 for medication, then breakfast comes, then I am hooked up to the monitors for an hour, then its time to shower. I guess my pace is pretty slow because by the time I get done showering, it is lunchtime already and the day is half over! I had some visitors as well...some more fascinating than others! The doctors and nurses and dieticians came as always. I did also get a visit from the chaplain inviting me to a mothers support group on Tuesdays...we will see about that.
The most interesting/strange visit was from the music therapy lady...yes, you heard me right. She was a very sweet, very chipper lady who reminds me of a preschool music teacher (I think she said she actually was). She comes twice a week for music relaxation therapy...she plays music that the baby (not me) likes for 20 minutes 2 times a week. She is writing Lee a song...it will be 10-12 seconds long? I was trying to figure out a way to tell this sweet lady I wasn't much of a music therapy kind of girl when she told me that people respond to her in different ways. One of which is by falling asleep (which she finds a compliment)...it's my new plan. Let her come back and as soon as she gets here I will "fall asleep" and we will all leave happy! Hmm....
I have ultrasounds every Tuesday and Friday, so this morning was like a big outing to the ultrasound room down the hall. I got up early and put on my nicest nightgown because I have no pants (maybe I should work on that). I even put my contacts in. The perinatalogist was a little disappointed because my amniotic fluid levels were much lower than in my last ultrasound last Friday, but he said it could be worse. Either way, it doesn't change the plan. He said even with no fluid, they will not induce labor yet unless LJ is showing signs of distress. He isn't right now; he is doing great. He had his foot in his mouth this morning.
Matt and I made a chain to tear a link off every day I am here to count down to our hopeful delivery day. I have 31 links left today. We will see if our math was right when the day comes! Matt also tracked down a wheelchair on Sunday, and they let us go sit outside for 30 minutes...I am missing the start of fall! We will do that more often! The food isn't too horrible most of the time...they give me a choice of meals each day...could be worse! They even let me have a Diet Coke each day! I haven't had a Diet Coke since I found out I was pregnant! The first time I saw it, I was beside myself! The nurses are all very nice, many about my age. And the cleaning ladies, lunch ladies, techs and other random women walking in and out of the room are great too. That's about all I have for today!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
5 Down, 33 To Go...
Thank you for the prayers, messages, and support over the past few days. I guess our little guy is just letting us know what we have in store once he gets here! I am going to try to keep up with this blog for the time being so that we can keep friends and family posted about when our son will decide to make an appearance.
Just to back up a little bit...On Tuesday evening I began not feeling quite right. I wasn't too concerned because I assumed I was over-reacting, and I have had a tendency to be a little paranoid about every wierd thing happening to my body throughout this pregnancy. I already had my 28 week doctor's appointment scheduled for the next day, so I decided to wait to go in until then. By Wednesday morning, I was really not feeling good, so I got an earlier appointment and went in just in case. I guess looking back, I should have connected the dots, but it never occured to me that my water had broken Tuesday night and that the cramping I was feeling was contractions. The doctor had my mom take me straight to the hospital where I have been since.
The first couple days were stressful...they immediately gave me steriods to help mature Lee's lungs so that if he came this early, his lungs would at least work better. They also gave me a magnesium IV to try to stop the contractions at least while they were able to finish the steroids...that was miserable. The doctors seemed to think that delivery within days would be likely. At a little less than 29 weeks, Lee should be fine, he would just spend a lot of time in the NICU. The NICU doctors, the perinatalogists, and my doctors all came in to discuss what would happen. They have been wonderful. Call it answered prayers, but on Friday morning my contractions just stopped.
Where we stand now...
Lee is doing great. His heartrate is good. He is about 3 lbs, and he is very active. He hasn't minded any of this one bit. There is currently as much amniotic fluid around him as there would be had my water never broken. At this point, he produces his own through his pee...I guess he pees a lot.
They will not stop my contractions again if they start back up. It is more dangerous to keep stopping them, than to just let me go naturally. Also, since my water has broken, there is no barrier between the outside world and baby, so infection is the biggest concern. I am on loads of antibiotics, but if for some reason I start showing signs of infection, I will be induced. If none of that happens, they will let LJ continue to bake until I am 34 weeks (October 22). At that point, it is riskier not to deliver than to deliver him early. So here we are...
I have been moved to the High Risk Pregnancy unit at Northside...the best place in the world to be. I was lucky to have Matt here since Wednesday, but he went home tonight. We realized that some sort of normal activities have to resume, at least for one of us, so he will be back at work tomorrow. I know the puppies are happy to have him back. The hospital is about an hour from our house, so its not overly convenient, but we will make it work. Mom and Dad have visited everyday too, so that helps. It is just going to be a new kind of normal.
Just to back up a little bit...On Tuesday evening I began not feeling quite right. I wasn't too concerned because I assumed I was over-reacting, and I have had a tendency to be a little paranoid about every wierd thing happening to my body throughout this pregnancy. I already had my 28 week doctor's appointment scheduled for the next day, so I decided to wait to go in until then. By Wednesday morning, I was really not feeling good, so I got an earlier appointment and went in just in case. I guess looking back, I should have connected the dots, but it never occured to me that my water had broken Tuesday night and that the cramping I was feeling was contractions. The doctor had my mom take me straight to the hospital where I have been since.
The first couple days were stressful...they immediately gave me steriods to help mature Lee's lungs so that if he came this early, his lungs would at least work better. They also gave me a magnesium IV to try to stop the contractions at least while they were able to finish the steroids...that was miserable. The doctors seemed to think that delivery within days would be likely. At a little less than 29 weeks, Lee should be fine, he would just spend a lot of time in the NICU. The NICU doctors, the perinatalogists, and my doctors all came in to discuss what would happen. They have been wonderful. Call it answered prayers, but on Friday morning my contractions just stopped.
Where we stand now...
Lee is doing great. His heartrate is good. He is about 3 lbs, and he is very active. He hasn't minded any of this one bit. There is currently as much amniotic fluid around him as there would be had my water never broken. At this point, he produces his own through his pee...I guess he pees a lot.
They will not stop my contractions again if they start back up. It is more dangerous to keep stopping them, than to just let me go naturally. Also, since my water has broken, there is no barrier between the outside world and baby, so infection is the biggest concern. I am on loads of antibiotics, but if for some reason I start showing signs of infection, I will be induced. If none of that happens, they will let LJ continue to bake until I am 34 weeks (October 22). At that point, it is riskier not to deliver than to deliver him early. So here we are...
I have been moved to the High Risk Pregnancy unit at Northside...the best place in the world to be. I was lucky to have Matt here since Wednesday, but he went home tonight. We realized that some sort of normal activities have to resume, at least for one of us, so he will be back at work tomorrow. I know the puppies are happy to have him back. The hospital is about an hour from our house, so its not overly convenient, but we will make it work. Mom and Dad have visited everyday too, so that helps. It is just going to be a new kind of normal.
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