One year ago today our lives changed course. I woke up feeling extra tired because I had been at school's curriculum night until about 9 the night before, but I had no clue that by the end of the day LJ would be well on his way. It was tonight a year ago that my water broke, and I was completely oblivious until the next morning as to what had happened. I don't think I have ever known such a fear...my excitement about having a son in December was erased knowing that he wouldn't make it that long. In some ways the moments are vivid.
I clearly remember laying in bed wondering how I was going to make it to work the next day if I kept peeing like I was. I remember getting up the next morning and calling in sick to work because I still hadn't figured it out. I remember my mom wanting to meet me at the doctor "just in case." I guess we all learned a lesson the first time I was pregnant, and I found out about my miscarriage sitting in a doctors office...alone. I remember the brief look of panic on the face on my midwife when she looked at my mom and asked if she could bring me straight to the hospital. I remember getting to the hospital and trying to fill out the admission paperwork while waiting on my mom to park the car and for Matt to arrive from work, and I couldn't see clearly through the tears. I remember the fear.
The next 9 days were spent waiting. We began to become confident that I would make it through at least the next 5 weeks when LJ could be delivered with much lower risk. We prayed. We waited. LJ was ready.
This year I am filled with emotion about LJ's upcoming birthday. I will spend the next 9 days looking forward to the day he was born, and unlike last year, I am ready. Instead of praying for our child to survive and begging God to let him be healthy, they will be prayers of praise and thankfulness for the little miracle we have been given. There are big plans for LJ, and we as parents will do everything we can to help him discover those.
I now find myself calling LJ "funny man" because he loves getting a laugh out of people. He thinks any bodily function is funny, as are spit bubbles, calling me Dada, and his war call...oh my gosh. It is easy to post pictures and give an idea of what he is doing, but go with me here for a minute...OK, whether you have seen the Tarzan movies or not, we all know the scream he does as he beats his chest. Picture it (or try it out yourself, but depending on where you are reading this, you may get some funny looks)...ok now picture doing it even louder...louder...there you go! That is our son. He is Tarzan. He thinks the funniest thing in the world is when he screams really loud and his voice shakes like Tarzan. He laughs the whole time, so it isn't from being sad. AND it makes him even happier for everyone to join in! We have found ourselves all imitating Tarzan regularly these days. He doesn't beat his chest yet, but somehow I have a feeling that someone will teach him that part one day too.
Our son continues to be one of the sweetest children ever. He has a smile for everyone, and I am told often how lucky we are...and that when we have number 2, not to expect the same! He still loves to cuddle. He will stop playing and crawl up on your lap for a hug and a kiss before resuming playtime.
Ever since LJ came home from the hospital, my parents have offered to watch LJ for a night, a weekend, or even just long enough for us to go out to eat. We have left him for maybe a couple hours at the most on about 3 occasions. It isn't that we don't trust grandma and grandpa by any means...we just have never been in a hurry to leave him in general. I don't know if it is because we had to leave him every night for 2 months while he was at Northside and each night was harder than the one before it, or if it is that he goes to bed so early that Matt and I feel like we do get a lot of time together, or maybe we are just crazy and really do need to have a night or a weekend alone. It hit me while we were in Kansas that while LJ gets to see my parents more often, they never get to put him to bed or see his morning giggles and kisses...I get it! It isn't about us! Grandma and Grandpa want more time to spoil LJ! I think it was a sign when at church on Sunday, Andy Stanley and his wife did an awesome sermon on parenting, and one of their points was making sure to take a week or weekend away each year. Message received! Once the craziness of September ends, Grandma and Grandpa Evensen will get a slumber party with LJ!
I just sit in amazement as I watch him...he has developed such a personality in this past year, and he has come so far. He is definitely a fighter, and he has taught me some lessons on life. He has taught us to take each day as it comes, that most of the problems I used to consider "big" are nothing as long as I have my family with me, that God has a plan for us all and if we put our faith in that, anything can happen. We love you little guy!
