Rest Well Sweet Boy

Last Saturday one of my former students passed away. Not only a former student, but one from my last full year at Hopewell before LJ came. One who’s Mom I worked with. One who spent extra time with us because he was there anyway. One who wasn’t just a student, but one of those students you really truly loved and wanted the best for. One who was only 14 years old and a freshman in high school with a smile of gold and a sense of humor to match. One that had the brains of a child beyond his years.

Every time I hear of a death of a former Milton student, my heart drops. I immediately wonder if it was one of my babies. In the past, it never has been. It doesn’t make it less sad when it is not one of your own, but when it is, the whole world seems to stop. My heart hurts for his family. My heart hurts for his friends, and my heart hurts for the lives he hadn’t yet touched.

When I heard the news that my student had taken his own life, my brain started scanning…the smiles, the laughter, the pranks, the last memory…oh, the last memory. The day I resigned from Hopewell, I went to his Mom’s room to bring my books back to her. He walked in, and I got the usual big smile and hug, along with some sort of silly banter that was typical in a conversation with him. He was my last hug before closing that door of my life. He was an ambassador…and I am sure he is on the welcoming committee in heaven today!

We don’t know what life has in store for us or for those we love. All I can take from this right now is that life is short, often we don’t know how short. God will guide through the pain, but for his family and friends, it will never go away. Hug your loved ones, let them know they are the center of your life. Pray for peace for those who suffer.

Matthew 4:5

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Rest well RB, you will be missed.

Tonka

Rough month all around. As many of you know, our boxer, Tonka, passed away suddenly the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. It has been harder than I thought. If you aren't an animal person, go ahead and stop reading.

 

As most know, I had Rosco, Costco, and Bosco before Matt and I met. They are all rescues, and they have gotten me through some rough times. So much that when Matt and I met, I made it very clear that if he didn't accept my dogs, we would never work out. Some days, I think he may like them more :) Then we ended up with Tonka...he is the product of Matt's parents' and sister's boxers. He was always big in size and even bigger in love. He just wanted to be with his "brothers" and his people.

 

In the couple of weeks prior, Tonka slowed down. Typically, the puppies stay in the family room until Matt gets home, and they all sleep in our room (I know, us, Kaycie, and 4 big dogs is a full bedroom, especially if you have seen our bedroom, but we wouldn't have it any other way). He started not wanting to get off the couch to come to bed. The first thing he did EVERY morning was jump on Rosco...he stopped. He still jumped for treats and ate some. We were just talking about taking him to the vet for a checkup the day he died. Matt was going to take him the next day because he was off work.

 

I came home from my parents that night to 3 silent pups...they usually greeted me with lots of noise, but there 3 of them sat. It smelled. I walked in to put Kaycie down so I could get LJ. Tonka was by the door. I knew he wasn't just sleeping. That night changed me. I am sick about it. I have had the priveledge of never experiencing death before until now.

 

If we had only done something that day instead of wait until the next. If we had only given him one last hug or one last cuddle. I walked out the door that day. He was sitting on the couch. I knew he was in a funk...we thought maybe he was depressed because of the new baby. I hugged him and told him he was okay, gave him a kiss, and walked out the door without another thought. We kept saying he was looking at us like he was trying to tell us something...he was trying to tell us he was just about done. It was likely cancer based on what we have learned, but we will never know. He was only 3.5. He was larger than life...all 110 lbs of him. It sucks. It just sucks.

About 3 months old.

Playing with friends dog, Allie...

Tonka at 2.

The last picture I have of him...taken days before he died. He loved to cuddle. Here he is with Rosco, our oldest pup.

Larger than life.

 

Fall Fun!

Fall always brings fun outdoor activities because the weather is perfect! This year, for the second year, we spent the morning with my parents at Mercier Orchards in North Georgia picking apples. I think LJ was able to enjoy it more than last year, just because he is bigger, but I also enjoyed it more. If you know me, you know my teeth chattering, knee buckling fear of bees (totally irrational, I know). I kept stalling on planning the outing because last year I wasn’t expecting the bees everywhere…really. Everywhere! Traumatizing, but we decided to give it a go again, and to my welcomed surprise, the bees were very minimal. We got some great apples, tasted them all, and had a good time! 

 

 

 

The next weekend we decided to take the kids back to a local farm to find some pumpkins. We love this place because it is small, but it has tractors (LJ is fascinated) and animals, and they don’t charge for every little thing you want to do. Best of all, it is 5 minutes from home. LJ picked out the pumpkins this year, and I must say he did a pretty good job. We got 2 tiny ones in addition to a couple of bigger ones, and LJ insisted on having the small ones next to him for every meal for 2 weeks.

Picking baby pumpkins

Trying to start the tractor!

Picking a little pumpkin.

In October, we also had Kaycie’s dedication at church. It was just us and my parents, as it was sort of scheduled at the last minute. It is not during the service but instead it was on a Saturday and there were over 30 babies dedicated that day. The families just sit together and talk about how we will raise our children to have a growing relationship with Christ. It gives us some accountability for how we will purposefully incorporate our faith into our daily lives with our kids. LJ’s favorite part was the cupcake. He also loved the band and lights. Kaycie…well, she screamed through most of it until she finally ran out of energy. Luckily, she wasn’t the only one :)

 

 

He couldn't decide what was better... the cake or the band.

 

 

 

 

For Halloween this year, we chose not to take LJ trick-or-treating, partly because we didn't think he would really understand or enjoy it yet, and partly because Matt had to work and I didn't want to take him by myself with baby girl. We did, however, put his doctor scrubs on from Kaycie's birth day, and we took him to Downtown Canton the Saturday morning before Halloween. He was able to trick-or-treat at the local stores in the cute downtown area, make a craft, go on a hayride, and participate in the costume parade. He loved it, and it was just perfect for his age. Next year we will reconsider!

Craft and a cookie! Heaven!

 

I stayed behind with Kaycie while the boys went on a ride!

 

Doing what she does best.

 

LJ and his new friend.

 

Dancing.

LJ is 2!

It does not seem like 2 years could have flown by this quickly! I still feel like I just started blogging to keep family and friends updated on my not as long as anticipated stay at Northside Hospital. I admit my blogs have gotten less interesting as time has gone on, but I think that is in part to lack of time and keeping busy with a toddler and now a newborn!  I am splitting this entry into parts to keep them shorter, and I know I won’t get through everything in one sitting. I will add a Kaycie update soon! I have to admit that a huge part of the reason I keep blogging is that I have not kept up with LJ’s baby book and never even bought Kaycie one…I plan on one day doing something creative with my blogs for the kids, but until then, this helps me keep track of milestones, emotions, and memories that I have not documented elsewhere.

I have to say, when Kaycie was born, I had a rough time. I am sure all Mama's go through it, but I felt horrible. LJ had a rough time, and I began to wonder what we had done. However, my concern allowed me to really pay attention to LJ's feelings, and I am just amazed at where he is now. I think having another little one has allowed for more "quality" time with LJ. As opposed to just passing time some days, I have been able to use my available time to really just "be" with LJ. I think it has also allowed Matt and I to let LJ grow up a little bit. We realized that maybe we babied him beyond what he needed on occasion. He was just waiting for us to let him flourish in some ways. It amazes me every day.

LJ was excited to spend his birthday eve at Grandma and Grandpa Evensen’s house with cousins Sam and Max and his Aunt Kristen. LJ and Sam seem to be bonding some and playing together more every time they see each other. When they are not here, LJ regularly asks about them. We just hung out for his birthday and had dinner, opened presents, and had “birthday cake”, which were cupcakes with Mickey Mouse on them. LJ loves Mickey Mouse. Grandma and Grandpa Evensen found a huge Mickey, and he loved it immediately…it has been added to his bedtime collection of animals that is about to overtake his full sized bed. That is for him to figure out.

 

On LJ’s birthday, we took him to Build A Bear, where he picked out a monkey that he named Mo (Well, I named him Mo, but LJ didn’t object because Mo the Monkey is perfect). We found him a cute football outfit and got Mo all dressed up. LJ didn’t seem overly impressed…I have to say I was a little disappointed because he loves his stuffed animals. By the time we got out of the car, Mo was undressed, and LJ was much happier with him. The clothes are now put away and Mo is also a member of the bedtime crew. I think we are up to 20 animals that he sleeps with, and he insists on kissing each one goodnight. I am trying to smuggle them back out of his room, but he notices, and we have to go on a search for Gator Tater or Scout or Seahorse or Big Mickey or Little Mickey or Sheep or Lamb and the list goes on.

Speaking of bedtime…I love bedtime, and it is hard since Matt is still working at night and bedtime is when Kaycie seems to start having a rough time, so I feel like I have to rush it most of the time. One thing LJ loves as much as his animals are his books. He is now big enough where he will tell me what book he wants to read at bedtime. Sometimes it is the mouse book (Goodnight Moon…did you know there is a mouse hidden on every page), sometimes Angry Duck (Happy Hippo, Angry Duck…a book about feelings that my friend Rise gave him, and he loves to tell me if he is a Happy Hippo or Angry Duck, or he will ask if I am a Sad Chicken), sometimes Jesus! Not long ago, he started telling us he was not afraid. I had no clue where he got it from. One night while we were reading the Jesus book, he started saying, “I am not afraid.” I hadn’t even paid attention, but in the book, Jesus tells his disciples “Be not afraid.” My heart melted…he memorized it from the book and says it regularly. Now he has also gotten, “God says forgive.” I know that he is just repeating at this point, but gosh if it doesn’t make a Momma’s heart happy! After a book, we always say prayers, and he loves to cuddle up, fold his hands, wait for me to say prayers, say a big “Amen!” and clap. Clapping is always involved.

Other things I am proud of…they may not be exceptional things for his age, but they are exceptional to us, and over time, we have realized that is all that matters. He can count…he can count to 15. This too involves a lot of clapping for himself. He points to things and counts to about 3, but he has memorized to 15. His vocabulary is huge…he repeats absolutely everything. He points out every stop sign. Favorite phrases…”Oh gosh”, “I am not afraid”…”walk outside”…”all done.

 

LJ would live outside if he could. If he can see a door, he is trying to get out of it. He knows if we leave the house and go in the direction of his favorite park. When we pull into the Home Depot parking lot, he immediately starts asking to “Ride tractor.” He would much rather walk than ride in the stroller.

Some people are lucky enough to have gotten a random phone call from my son, or a text message. He loves the phone. He likes to talk on it, watch videos on it, book appointments on it, and take pictures on it. He has amazed me what he has been able to do!

LJ has started to want to play with his sister in the past week or so. When he wakes up from his nap, the first thing he asks is if “seester” is awake. He likes to lay on the play mat with her and sit with her while she does tummy time. The other day, Kaycie was in the bouncy seat in the playroom with LJ. I was in the kitchen making lunch. Kaycie started crying, and LJ was saying, “It’s ok seester.” When I looked up, he was gently bouncing her in her seat, and he had moved the toy bar in front of her. He also found a paci and put it in her mouth. I still insist our little boy is a gentle and loving soul, and I cannot wait to see how their relationship evolves.

 

LJ has become buddies with his 4 puppies. I have to say that 4 big dogs and little ones has always made us nervous. We have always let them be around each other, but we always kept LJ in the playroom if the puppies were inside and at some point, we had to do something different. In the past few months, LJ has really learned to love the puppies and to be gentle with all 4 of them at once and they have learned the same. They chase each other around the house, they steal each others toys, LJ is quick to hug and give kisses, and it all seems to be falling into place. I will never let them be unsupervised because when it comes down to it, we have over 350 pounds of dog and 2 children. In fact, I think one of them just figured out we had a second child (but Rosco has never been too bright). LJ has a safe spot if he feels like he is getting overwhelmed, but he uses it less and less. He loves them, and they, as dogs do, seem to have found a soft spot for him. They rough house with each other, but they are amazingly gentle with LJ.

At his 2 year appointment, LJ was 27 pounds and 34 inches. He is wearing 2T clothes, with adjustable waist pants for the most part because he is still skinny. The doctor was impressed with where he was. He is getting his 2 year molars in, and he will tell us when his teeth hurt. He loves bath time…if he isn’t asking to go outside, he is asking to take a bath. I suppose getting clean after getting dirty is a good thing! We live on about ¾ of an acre and it is covered in trees, much to our disdain these days. I could write a whole post about this land that we live on...maybe I will. We are having to teach LJ about bugs and snakes sooner than I would have liked, but he is also learning about tree nuts…he likes stuffing them in his pockets. It seems as though every time I do laundry these days, I am pulling nuts out of the washing machine. Hoarder of nuts.

 

Of course, every new thing the little guy does is great to me. I could go on and on. If you have made it to the end, great, if not, great…I have material for a book for the kiddos one day!

Presents!

Thank you Ms. Krista for my Mickey!

Playing with Daddy!

Trucks under the table...another favorite!

Birthday Tattoos...don't they look excited!

Birthday cake!

Sharing with Grandpa.

Too much sugar and jumping with mommy's boots!

 

The new addition!

August 23, 2013…a date I still have to stutter through when someone asks when she was born. I was so sure that I would go past my due date this time that I don’t think we were quite prepared for baby! We still aren’t sure what happened this time, but we may find out more soon. All we know now is that we have once again been blessed. God has given us another beautiful child that we are just in total awe of every day.

The morning of August 22, I was trying to clumsily do laundry, and as I was carrying the laundry bag with the metal bars (that may not make sense but we have those hanging laundry bags), I hit the doorway with the end of the metal bar on my way out of our room. The other end of the metal bar hit my lower pelvis. It hurt like heck, but it was low enough that I didn’t really think of it hurting baby. We went on with our day. Right before Matt left for work around 2 pm that day, I started feeling what I thought was Braxton Hicks contractions…they weren’t painful but they were super regular. It was a Thursday afternoon, and I told Matt as he was walking out the door that I wasn’t making it through the weekend. By the time Matt got home from work at 1:30 the next morning, I had our bags packed and ready to go. I still laid back down in bed because I had no clue what to do with LJ at 2 AM! I was hoping that things would slow down until morning when I could make some phone calls!

Also, my parents purposely didn’t travel much during my later pregnancy because none of us really knew what was going to happen this time, and we haven’t let anyone but them take care of LJ since he was born. My sister and her family moved a couple of months ago, so we didn’t have anyone else to call. However, my Dad’s class reunion was that weekend in Oregon, so they went for a long weekend. Mom and Dad got there Thursday afternoon and were back in Atlanta Friday afternoon to take care of LJ…talk about the best parents in the world! In the meantime, LJ came to the hospital with us, and as soon as it got late enough, our neighbor and dear friend, Ashley, agreed to entertain LJ for the day until my parents made it back. That was my biggest stress relieved!  

Anyway, 18 hours later, Kaycie Blair Sullivan made an appearance at 5 lbs. 10 oz. and 19 inches long. Even though she was bigger than LJ, I felt the whole process to be much smoother than with him. She went to the NICU for about 6 hours because she was grunting quite a bit, but she met us in our room when we got there. Totally strange and surreal experience having her with us in her first hours of life! Kaycie was born on Friday and we went home on Sunday…all of us. Kaycie was healthy. We ended up coming home with a bili-bed for jaundice, but she was finished with it on Monday. She struggled initially with food, but we are getting there. She is having a hard time breastfeeding. The suck, swallow, breathe reflex only kicks in at 34 weeks and with her being 35, she could not nurse well enough to get what she needed. We are working on it, but she seems to be losing interest in even trying. Unfortunately, for this tired mama and her antsy toddler, we are still pumping then nursing every 2.5 hours or so. I am determined to get her breast milk for as long as possible still, so I will do what I have to do. 

It was actually sort of strange having her in the room with us for the 2 days we were in the hospital. There were a few little hiccups, especially with feedings, in those first days. It was a little frustrating. We kept being told, “Oh, it’s because she is still a preemie.” That was a great answer, but no one seemed overly helpful in getting things figured out. With LJ, we had someone right there every second of the day monitoring him, and this time, Kaycie was sort of in a middle ground of being labeled a preemie but not being severe enough for the NICU. We still didn’t know if she would be coming home with us until a few hours before we left. Since she was a 35 weeker, she had to do the car seat test, which she passed with a breeze, but they were concerned about the jaundice a eating, but didn’t offer much help. I have to say, if we hadn’t been through the extremes with LJ, I would have been in tears. Luckily, we had been taught how to get the food down one way or another, I knew to ask for a pump (which I thought strange they didn’t offer), I had to demand a lactation consultant get to us. While we are so blessed to have had it easy this time, I was a little disappointed that the nurses seemed to blow us off until one of them happened to be in the room when we were going through our feeding troubles. We even ended up with the director in our room apologizing for the lack of support and explaining their lack of staffing…it is done, and I would still never have a baby any place else. 

Anyway, LJ is adjusting. He had the hardest time with me the first week or so. He was mad at me, which in turn broke my heart. The way he would look at me made me so sad to have “done” this to him. At the same time, he immediately showed interest in his sister without getting too close. Now, at the end of 3 weeks, he tells her, “Love you seester.” I feel much better after those first heart wrenching days.  

LJ has seemed to grow up immensely. I don’t know if it is because we look at him differently or if he is really just growing up. He has become much more independent, he is using his words to let us know what he wants instead of just calling out random words, he watches his sister and tries to comfort her when she cries. He is going to be a great big brother!  

Matt took the first week off work and mom came to help for a day too. I decided I wanted the inside of the house painted the week before Kaycie came. I joked that it would be halfway painted when Kaycie came…I thought I was only joking. I had painted the lower half of the house, so when we came home, we came home to a halfway painted house and a dusty mess from hanging TV’s and moving furniture…poor Matt spent a day finishing my handiwork, but I am so happy we now have a freshly painted house to go with a fresh new family member!

I have to say, the 2 weeks that Matt has been back at work have been tiring. I knew it would be, but LJ got on a schedule in the hospital. Kaycie is struggling to find one, so we have been all over the place! It seems as though as soon as we finish a rotation of feeding LJ, feeding Kaycie, feeding dogs, pumping, washing bottles, it is time to start over. I was worried about Matt working nights, but it has worked so far! He has been up to help with the breakfast rush and to get us dressed, bathed, and going for the day. The afternoons have been crazy, but we have figured it out! Most days we haven’t gotten around to making it around the house before dinner time, but we have braved the YMCA once so far, and today I decided I had to go to the store because I haven’t been since we have been home. The Y was ok…I had to walk to track with the stroller because Kaycie can’t go to the play center until she is 3 months old, but it is nice to get out and get a little exercise since it is too hot outside for her. The grocery store on the other hand, was a disaster today! LJ was always easy to tote around, but Kaycie doesn’t seem to like to hang out in the carrier for too long…I told Matt that grocery shopping may have to be a solo event for the sake of our pocketbook for awhile...I even had a list, and I still found myself throwing things in the cart to hurry and get out of there! 

It has taken me 3 days and multiple tries to ramble this much, so I am done for now! I am sure we will have more updates soon!

Our first picture before going to the NICU

LJ liked his balloon and the chair.

Naptime!

Under the bili lights...such a dark world!

Sweet baby girl

Ready to go home!

My first dress!

Lj was very excited about his new "house" made out of the double stroller box!

Our first family picture

Excited to go meet Seester in his new Big Brother scrubs

Grandma and Grandpa took LJ to Touch a Truck after going to the hospital. He loved it!

Happy boy!

My first bow!

Sweet baby

Coming Along...

First things first, my pregnancy has been pretty uneventful still! Perfect for me! I am 31 weeks and still going to the gym on average 3 days a week. Some weeks more, some less. I am really learning to listen to my body, and if I am tired, there is no reason to push it. However, I have found that most days, doing 45ish minutes of cardio really makes me feel better. I have been told not to exercise outside, as the heat and the exercise were not missing well. I am ok with it, and it has given LJ a chance to play at the Y like he is used to.

I had an appointment on Friday and pretty much all the doctor told me is that if I can get to 34 weeks, a major milestone is passed. If I go into labor at or after 34 weeks, they will not stop it. With LJ, they were planning on inducing at 34 weeks if I had made it that long after my water broke. After 34 weeks, stopping labor can cause more problems than do good. Baby girl may or may not have to spend time in the NICU if born at 34 weeks, but even if she did, as long as everything else is normal, it wouldn’t be much time.  (Sorry, that is one big choppy sentence). So today, that means I need at least 3 more weeks. Not long at all! I am taking bets that I will be induced this time. I just feel it! I sort of hope I am right. I think I am more stressed about what we will do with LJ when I go into labor than I am about anything else at this point!

 Funny enough, Matt is having major anxiety that he is going to have to deliver a baby in the car on the way to the hospital. Poor guy…we had to take a trip to the store the other day just for a nasal aspirator to keep in the car just in case he has to suction something. I know he also has plans for towels and blankets. I think I was asked about sterile scissors the other day also. I love that my hubby wants to be prepared and that he is thinking about it. However, I won’t even entertain the idea that a highway delivery is an option. J

LJ…hard to believe baby boy is going to be 2 in less than 2 months! Last time I had written, we were in the process of decorating his “big boy” room. I finally have pictures of it to post. He has been in his big bed for almost a month, and I am so happy to report that he has never once gotten out of the bed, fallen out of the bed, or been anything but perfect in his new room! I am sure one day he will realize he can get out of his bed, but we will cross that bridge when we get there!

 

Matt's handiwork! The black is a chalkboard.

New shelving since he doesn't have a dresser.

So excited!
 

 

Tomorrow starts Potty Training 101. I am not really looking forward to it, but I think it is time. LJ has been trying to take diapers off again and talking about how yucky they are. He is obsessed with the toilet, so here we go! Hopefully, it ends up being like the bed situation and is something I have stressed out about more than I should…here’s to hoping!

 

Safety training before potty training :)

 

We have continued going to gymnastics each week, and I really believe it has been great for LJ. He comes home and practices rolling and climbing and walking on tip toes. He talks about gymnastics. Each week when we go, he immediately starts talking about the beam, the slide, and the bars. He loves the balance beam and today, he walked halfway across the beam without any help. This coming from the child who has only been walking for a little over 4 months! His last class will be next week, and we have decided to be done with it for now because I am getting big enough that I can’t flip him around anymore. We will do it again one day. I want him to experience a variety of things until he gets big enough to make his own decisions about what he likes.

LJ weighs himself on our scale now. He likes watching the numbers. According to our scale, he about 26 pounds. I have no idea how tall he is, but he is growing because his hands reach more and more things every day. Matt and I keep talking about how much fun we are having watching him really come into his own recently. He is using more and more words to voice what he wants and doesn’t. He is becoming more self-sufficient in general.

LJ is still not much of an eater. There is not much that he doesn’t like, he just doesn’t eat much. A typical meal for LJ, for example, is a strawberry and half of a yogurt. Occasionally, he will decide he is hungry and eat a lot more than normal, but that is rare. He talks a lot about cookies, and he does expect a cookie from the bakery every time we go grocery shopping. The other day we were at the store and walking down the cracker aisle. He started asking for crackers. When I told him we had some at home, he then proceeded to squeal, “Fries!” My child loves French fries. I don’t buy them, so he only gets them if we go out to eat. When we do he will steal them off of any plate he can reach.

Words…LJ has always had many words. He says “love you” regularly and that is my favorite. We are working on manners and has started saying “thank you” and “I’m sorry.” My favorite is that anything with wings is a bird. Sometimes things without wings are birds. Crumbs are birds. Whenever LJ sees anything that he qualifies as a bird, he points to it and says “bird, tweet tweet.” He will say “I’m funny” when he makes people laugh. A few weeks ago, Tonka ran away for 8 days. We would drive around looking for him, and LJ started to call for him in the car. Even now that Tonka is back home, LJ still calls for Tonka in the car. He will tell the dogs to lay down when he is eating and tell them to get back when he is trying to get through them. LJ also talks a lot about his cousin Sam. Sam just moved to Arkansas for awhile, and it is sort of a bummer because the boys were just starting to think about playing together.

I have started rambling, and that only means that it is time to be done for now!

 

After swimming at his friends birthday party.

An artist in action.

Being silly. LJ loves the camera.

Big Cheese.